Henry, 2.5 months

Henry is 2.5 months old!  He weighed around 11 lbs at his 2 month appt and was pretty average for his head size and height as well.  It's a blessing to see him growing and progressing the way that he's supposed to, considering the rough start we had.

He has his smiley and happy moments.  Sometimes he laughs (or, tries to laugh.. it's more like a little shriek/gasp) and it's absolutely heartwarming to hear.  I love when he's happy.  

He's not the greatest napper, usually. He's certainly not the baby who will fall asleep in his carseat and then take a full 1-2 hour nap while I cart him around on errands, or even when I get home and try to put him (in his carseat still) in a quiet room.  He wakes up right away!  Some days he will take a couple long naps, and he will be happy for most of the day.  Other days, he cries a lot and doesn't nap at all or just takes very short naps, which makes it really difficult for me to get anything done!

He loves to be swaddles - loves it!  He could be crying and fussing but as soon as I lay him down and start swaddling him, he calms down for a few seconds and even gives me a little smile sometimes.  Then he usually starts crying again, haha.  But I do know he likes to be swaddled, and he sleeps so much better when he is swaddled.  If he's not swaddled, his arms move around while he sleeps and then he startles himself and it wakes him up.

Thankfully, he does usually give me a decent night's sleep.  He is generally pretty fussy in the evenings, no matter how his day went, but he will usually calm down around 9 or so (but really anywhere from 8-11pm).  He sleeps in his rock & play rocker every night, next to the couch, where I still am sleeping.  Honestly I'm not really too sure why we are still sleeping in the living room.  Well I kind of do - Henry still wakes up around 3:30-ish, and I don't want to disturb Garrett.  It's just easier and less stressful for me to deal with him downstairs, and I don't want to be carrying him up and down the stairs when I'm tired. Thankfully he's never awake for long, most nights he just eats and then goes right back to sleep.  Usually I'll make his bottle right before I go to sleep around 11, so when he wakes up at 3:30 I just pop the bottle in (not even getting him out of his bed next to me), and we eats and falls right back to sleep.  So really I only wake up for about 10 minutes (but WHY does it feel like I'm still lacking so much sleep??  I really need to get to bed earlier.. says the girl who is up blogging at 1:40 am).

(Just a note about the picture above... I just noticed that he's wearing my Florida hat, I'm wearing a Wisconsin tee, and I'm also wearing a New Hampshire necklace!  I feel lucky that I have lived in so many fun places!  Also... those Target pj's that Henry is wearing are the best.  They are cheap (3-pack for $12 I think?), they are cute, and they zip down from the top, which is genius.  I bought a 3-pack in newborn sizes, then a different 3-pack in 3 month size, and another 3-pack in size 6-9 month.  I love them) 

Nursing never got any better after that first month.  In fact, I stopped nursing altogether and just started pumping.  Even that wasn't enough, though.  We were supplementing 50/50 with formula.  To be honest, I was really bummed it didn't work out.  Nursing is so convenient and I do believe that it's the best way to go for the baby.  It's also free!  Instead, I'm paying $75 a month to rent a hospital-grade breast pump, spending about $60 a month on formula, and feeling guilty that it's still not working.  Every day I feel like my supply gets worse.  Right now I'm only able to pump about 6-8 ounces a DAY (split between 3-4 sessions).  Pretty pathetic!  Sure, it's partly my fault. I suppose I could force myself to attempt pumping every 3 hours around the clock, I could take some supplements, I could meet (again) with the lactation specialist.  But I'm so tired.  I just can't pump every 3 hours on top of bottle feeding him, and taking care of 3 other kids.  I was running myself ragged. As soon as I accepted the fact that nursing wasn't working, a weight lifted off my shoulders and things got better for both of us. He was still getting breast milk, but we were both less frustrated and I had more time to get other things done. But, I think that after this month I will return the breast pump and accept the fact that it's just not working this time around.  It's not ideal, and not what I would have chosen - especially since he's my last baby.  This certainly isn't what I imagined.  But I'm trying to see the silver lining.  I have more freedom since I'm not nursing.  Garrett has taken a "night shift" here and there, letting me sleep up in our bedroom while he slept in the living room with Henry.  I slept for 10 hours one night, by myself in our king bed, with a white noise fan on and blackout curtains.  It was glorious.  Couldn't do that if I was nursing!  So, trying to see the positives.  And being soo grateful for formula. 

We love having Henry in our family!  The girls just love playing with him, talking to him, entertaining him.  I love to hear his coos and see his smiles, and I can't keep myself from constantly kissing those chubby cheeks. Such a little sweetie.

Henry's baby quilt

My mom always makes a baby quilt for her new grandchildren, and it's something we treasure!  For Henry, I actually came across this quilt on instagram over a year ago and always had it in the back of my mind in case I ever had a boy.  Thankfully, Mom was happy to make it for me exactly like I wanted it! (she usually chooses out the fabrics and patterns)  She brought it to us when she and my dad came down for Thanksgiving.

 For now it's just a tummy time/snuggling quilt.  It's a big size, though, and will be perfect on a toddler bed someday.

Henry certainly won't suffer from any lack of attention at our house-

Future pilot, perhaps?  

Thanks, Mom, for the beautiful quilt.  We will treasure it always!

Baby Blessing

Since my parents were in town for Thanksgiving, we blessed Henry on Thanksgiving night at Garrett's parents' house (we went over for pie after Garrett got home from work).

Henry with my dad, Garrett, Garrett's dad, and Jared (Garrett's sister's husband).  Garrett gave him a very nice blessing.  As you can see below, Henry was a bit fussy afterwards (what's new) but thankfully he stayed decently quiet through the blessing.

I feel really lucky to have these Priesthood holders in my family.  I'm especially grateful for Garrett and the Priesthood that he provides for our family.  I'm thankful that Henry has all these wonderful examples to look up to as he grows.

3 weeks

Henry is 3 weeks old!  It's been pretty crazy so far.

We ended up checking out of the hospital on Tuesday afternoon (he was born Monday morning at 6:15).  They told us we could stay until Wednesday, but I really hate hospitals and couldn't wait to get home to the comfort of my own bed (that hospital bed is sooo uncomfortable!  It's so hard!).  Plus, my sister Emma came into town on Tuesday and I didn't want to miss out on any of her visit!  Emma came to see us in the hospital early Tuesday afternoon (straight from the airport), and then we finished up the discharge papers after she left to pick up Abbie & Ellie from school.  We got home just before dinner time to find that Emma had gone grocery shopping and had dinner waiting for us, which was a nice surprise!  She's the best.

The first night was hard.  First of all, we don't have a dedicated bedroom for Henry, so we just had a pack and play set up in our bedroom for him (that's what we've done for all our babies so nothing out of the ordinary there).  However, I ran into a problem right away.  First of all, all of our bedrooms are upstairs (well, the 3 bedrooms that we use.  There's a 4th bedroom downstairs on the main level but it's the playroom.  Plus I wouldn't put him down there alone anyway).  The problem with having all the bedrooms upstairs (and no other rooms upstairs) is that I can't be up with the baby without going downstairs (and the thought of going up and down wooden stairs in the middle of the night, over and over again, in my state of exhaustion, was scary to me).  And Henry, being a typical newborn, didn't sleep that first night.  We still hadn't gotten a hang of nursing, so it was taking him forever to latch, and he kept crying.  I tried sitting on the wooden rocking chair in our bedroom to nurse him, but it was uncomfortable and nothing was working.  I could barely keep my eyes open (I had only slept maybe a total of 5 hours since I had woken up on Sunday morning, this was Tuesday night) and I was afraid I would fall asleep in the rocking chair and drop him.  I changed his diaper on the floor of our bathroom... he cried throughout that.  I was so stressed he would wake up the whole family, or that our neighbors would hear him (we share walls).  Finally around 2:30 I went downstairs to the living room and tried to nurse him down there on the couch.  Long story short, I slept maybe a total of one hour that night.  It was rough.

The next few days are kind of a blur.  I really wanted to enjoy Emma's visit so I probably didn't nap as much as I should have.  But on the other hand, I really didn't have many opportunities to nap. Henry still wasn't nursing well, and was constantly hungry.  I could literally have him latched on for over an hour, and when I would take him off he would start crying his "hungry cry" and I knew he had hardly eaten anything.  He had a lazy suck, and was too tired to put in much of an effort.  He slept in little 30 minute intervals here and there (usually while latched), and when he was awake he was crying because he was hungry.  He was only quiet when I was "nursing" him.  So, this didn't give me much time to sleep.  Thursday morning he had his 3-day checkup, and he weighed 7 lbs 9 oz... a drop from his weight at the hospital discharge time (7 lbs 11 oz), and a bigger drop from his initial birth weight (7 lbs 15 oz).  It was still within the "normal" range for weight drop, but disheartening nonetheless.  Since my milk had come in by this point, he should have been gaining again.

The weekend happened... still a blur.  Emma left early Saturday morning, which was sad.  It was so fun to have her around.  The most valuable thing she did was play with my other kids!  It was sooo nice that they were occupied and happy and taken care of, so I could focus on bonding with Henry (and trying to keep him fed).  Garrett was also off work that first week, which was a huge help.  He and Emma got the kids off the school each morning, kept Olivia occupied, ran errands, and generally just kept the house together.  I nursed... and nursed... and nursed. And slept on the couch sitting up while Henry was latched on, not eating (just making me sore).

After that first night, I resolved to just start out my night downstairs in the living room, rather than even trying to sleep in my room (too stressful).  We bought a Rock & Play for Henry to sleep in downstairs (we don't have any baby gear anymore besides the pack and play, and I had nowhere to set him down when we were downstairs).  So, he sleeps in that and now, 3 weeks in, I'm still sleeping in the living room every night, with Henry in the Rock & Play next to me.  I miss my bed.  I've taken a nap or two up there in the last 3 weeks, and it's been glorious, but other than that, its the couch for me.  Not the ideal situation... I wish I had a nursery with a crib for Henry and a twin bed for me, and a nice recliner or rocker for nursing.

Anyway, we had a weight check for Henry the next Tuesday (he was 8 days old).  We were called back into the little exam room, and soon the nurse came in to get us to bring him out to the hall to be weighed.  First she asked me how things were going, and that's when the tears came.  I told her how exhausted I was, how sore I was from the constant nursing, how he never slept, how he always cried because he was hungry.  I was so tired.  I hate crying in front of people but no one had really asked me how I was doing until that moment.  I didn't think I was that emotional about it until it happened.  I kept apologizing and saying I was just so tired, not sad, just exhausted.  She listened to me and told me she was sure everything was going to be fine, and we went out to weigh the baby.  7 lbs, 3 oz.  He had dropped another 6 oz over the last 6 days!  I felt awful.

The doctor came in and we chatted for a bit (and of course I cried some more, ugh).  The lactation consultant also came in and tried to help us out a bit.  By the time I left my appointment, we had a plan... I would continue to keep trying to nurse, but only for about 10 minutes on each side.  After that, I would feed him a bottle -- either pumped milk, or formula.

Things immediately got better.  After trying to nurse him (which was really painful still, but we kept trying), I would feed him a bottle, usually half breast milk and half formula (I could only pump about 2-3 oz if I was lucky, but he was wanting to eat 4 oz after nursing him, which tells me that he really wasn't getting anything from me).  After the bottle, I would go pump for the next time.  By Thursday (his next weight check), he had gained 3 oz. He was also sleeping more, which meant I was sleeping more (only about 2.5 - 3 hours at a time, but still... so much better than before).

And now, 3 weeks old, he weighs over 8 lbs.  He's still eating about every 3 hours around the clock, and still eating 4-5 oz each feeding.  I rented a hospital-grade pump last week, which seems to do a better job than my Pump In Style was doing.. I'm usually able to get at least 3 oz now, which means I am supplementing with less formula.  I gave up nursing altogether for about 5 days (the whole nurse-bottlefeed-pump was so overwhelming and time-consuming), and just pumped and bottle fed during that time, which was great.  A few days ago I started trying to nurse again a couple times a day and he seems to be doing okay with it.  I still just do bottles (and pump) during the night, since nursing is still kind of an ordeal and I'm so exhausted.

So, the fog is starting to lift.  I'm starting to feel like a real person again, which I didn't think would ever happen.  Honestly, there were a few days in there where I wondered how we would survive.  Garrett had that first week off, then the second week he worked the night shift, which meant he was only gone from around 10:30pm - 5:15 am.. while the other kids slept.  So, it was doable.  He woke up before the girls got home from school (so, he continued to pick them up and deal with the after-school stuff, and help with dinner, etc).  Then, he had another week off after that (they automatically get a week off after their week of nights, it doesn't count against his vacation time which is nice).  So, for another week he was able to pick the girls up from school and deal with the homework and piano and dance and all that.  Throughout that whole time, I dreaded when he would go back to his normal work routine (7:30am to around 6 or 7pm sometimes).  I wondered how I would do it all.  I was still so tired.  I didn't remember it being this hard with any of my other babies.  Of course, I didn't have as many responsibilities back then.  I could stay home all day if I wanted/needed to.  Abbie was in kindergarten when Olivia was born... now I have 2 kids in elementary school, with after school activities, extra-curricular stuff,  etc.  Plus Olivia was such an easy baby, so the transition wasn't hard at all!  In some ways, it's nice that they are older and can care for themselves.  But having them be older is also a lot harder in other ways.

But, like I said before.. the fog is lifting.  I got dressed yesterday (in maternity jeans, but still... I hadn't worn those in months since I just wear dresses and skirts by the end). I did a major grocery shopping trip alone with the 2 younger kids.  I took 3 kids to Sam's Club while Abbie was at piano lessons (just to get Ellie's pupils measured at the optometry center, nothing major, but still).  Things are looking up and I don't feel so overwhelmed.  The thought "What the heck was I thinking having 4 kids... how do people do this?!?" is not the forefront thought on my mind anymore.... so that's good.  It looks like life might start to feel normal soon after all.  Thank goodness.  Because Henry's a little sweetheart and we love having him in our family.  He makes us feel so much more complete.

He's here

Henry joined our family a few weeks ago!  The girls are totally in love with him and he's got us all wrapped around his little finger.

The first 2 weeks of October were kind of crazy around here.  I was feeling contractions pretty often (several a day), especially when I was doing a lot of walking around.  It made me really nervous because Garrett was scheduled to go to Chicago on October 6-7 for his radiology boards.  I was SO certain that the baby would come while he was gone, and I was pretty nervous about it.  The last thing I wanted was to go into labor with him out of town!  In my head I had the whole scenario played out... I would have to drive myself to the hospital while in labor (how??), I would sit in the labor room alone, give birth alone in a room full of people I didn't know, make all the decisions alone... it made me very nervous.  Starting the weekend before Garrett left, I put myself on a sort of "bedrest", which did help to keep the contractions down.  It was General Conference weekend, so we did a lot of sitting around anyway so that helped.  Garrett worked that Sunday, but thankfully the kids were pretty easy and I was able to relax for most of the day.  That week was another story, though... the kids were on Fall break so it wasn't easy to sit around all day like it would have been if the two older ones were at school.  I tried to keep them as occupied as I could that day, but I felt really bad that we didn't have anything fun planned for their week off.  Thankfully, my mother-in-law took them during the day for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, which was a LIFESAVER.  I was home alone ALL DAY for those three days.  She brought them home for bedtime.  I don't think I have EVER been home alone since having 3 kids, maybe not since having kids at all.  It was amazing.  I napped, watched Netflix, did indexing (family history), surfed the web, online shopped for baby things I still needed.  I hardly left my bed at all.  It was the best gift ever.  Garrett left early Wednesday morning and got home late Thursday night, and we survived with no baby coming.  I was so incredibly relieved.  And, I thought FOR SURE that Henry would be born at any moment... turns out he was pretty comfortable in there, though, and wasn't in any hurry.

We scheduled an induction for October 17.  Honestly, when we scheduled it the week before, I thought there was no way I would still be pregnant by then so I didn't hesitate (I was due on the 15th but my own calculations had me due on the 12th.. Olivia was 5 days early so I was kinda planning on something like that again since this is baby #4).

His due date came and went (actually I'm a bit grateful for this because my MIL wasn't very available to help out with the kids that weekend, so I'm not sure what we would have done with them if I'd gone into labor).  Ironically, even my contractions had slowed down ever since Garrett came home from his boards.  I was still in a lot of pain and still exhausted, but no more painful contractions even when I went walking.  The induction date was coming quickly and to be honest, I was a bit nervous to go through with it.  I induced with both Abbie and Ellie, and both were very successful (labors were under 7 hours each), but for some reason I felt guilty inducing this time around.  I was nervous he wasn't ready, and I felt guilty for making him conform to my own personal preference/schedule.  The truth was, Garrett had the whole week of Oct 17th off, and we wanted to make the most of his time off.  But was that a good enough reason?  Probably not.  On Sunday I tried to be as active as possible.  We went for a looong walk in my in-laws' neighborhood (Garrett's sister and her husband were in town from SC, along with the kids' cousins from GA).  On Sunday night we set our alarms for 5:15 a.m. and prepped our bags to show up at the hospital at 6 the next morning.  We went to bed around 11:30 and I remember wishing I would just go into labor naturally so that I wouldn't feel so guilty about the induction.

At 1am, I woke up to my water breaking.  I ran to the bathroom to make sure that's what it was, and when I was certain I woke Garrett up to tell him.  I wasn't sure if we should wait for 6 am, or go in right away, so I cleaned myself up a little bit, and laid back down on the bed to try to get a little rest (my water didn't gush out like crazy, so nothing had gotten on the bed earlier, thankfully).  Almost immediately, I got a hard contraction, harder than any I had had up until that point.  I told Garrett we needed to go in right away (I was paranoid that this labor would be FAST since Olivia's only took about 4 hours from when I started labor).  I texted Garrett's mom and she was here within 15 minutes.  Off we went to the hospital.  Thankfully the streets were quiet and it took less than 10 minutes.  We went in through the ER since it was the middle of the night, and got admitted right away (no one else was there.. this was a small private hospital, a very different experience from our other, huge University-based hospitals!).

My contractions were coming strong by this point, and about 2-3 minutes apart.  I had thought I would wait a bit for the epidural but I ended up asking for it almost right after we got settled in our room.  I always get nervous for the epidural, but it's soo worth it to me and has made all my birthing experiences so nice.  The CNA came in almost right away and got to work.  An anesthesiologist also came in to oversee it (he had obviously been sleeping, I always feel so bad waking doctors up!).  It went well, minimal pain, and I literally started feeling the effects immediately.  Before I had even laid back down, Garrett asked if I was feeling the current contraction (he could see it on the chart), but I couldn't at all.  I actually ended up asking the nurse to turn down the anesthesia a bit because it felt stronger than I needed.  My contractions slowed a bit, so they gave me some pitocin and things picked up again.  I was already dilated to a 4 when I went in (I had been at a 4 for over a week), so things didn't take too long.

At 6:05 a.m. I buzzed the nurse in and told her I felt ready to push.  She checked me and told me NOT to push under any circumstances, I guess we were ready!  Haha.  She called the OB in (poor guy had 1 more hour left in his 24-hour call shift, got to sneak one last delivery in!).  He came in by 6:10 and everyone started prepping the room for the delivery.  I love this part - everyone rushing around, bright lights coming on, the energy goes from zero to 10 in less than 60 seconds.  Once everything was prepped, we waited for the next contraction to show up on the chart.  Once it started, the doc told me to push and suddenly he was out!  One contraction, one push.  Doesn't get much better than that.  All my epidurals have been great but I think this was my best one.  Not too strong, but strong enough that there still wasn't any pain.  It also wore off quickly afterwards which was really nice.

The rest of our hospital stay was okay.  Since he was born on Monday morning, we could technically stay until Wednesday.  However, I hate staying in the hospital so we always try to leave as soon as they will let us.  Thankfully, we were able to leave on Tuesday afternoon.  Since it was a private hospital, it wasn't too bad though -- I didn't have medical students and residents rounding on us twice a day, and I didn't have people coming in to do exams or check my vitals around the clock like they always seemed to do at teaching hospitals.  But still, I was anxious to get home to my own bed and my own surroundings, and to Emma!!  She came to visit and help out that first week, and she arrived on Tuesday afternoon.  I didn't want to miss any more of her visit than I had to!

So, there's Henry's birth story.  Hopefully I will find some time later this week to update about how these first two weeks have gone!  In short: it hasn't been easy!