Motherhood

Yesterday, I started reading "The Happiness Project" for the book club I am in.  It seems like it's going to be a decent read and I'm looking forward to seeing what I can learn from it.  I've only gotten through the first chapter so far but a few things have really jumped out at me. She starts out:

 "I'd always vaguely expected to outgrow my limitations.  One day, I'd stop twisting my hair, and wearing running shoes all the time, and eating exactly the same food every day.  I'd remember my friends' birthdays, I'd learn Photoshop, I wouldn't let my daughter watch TV during breakfast, I'd read Shakespeare.  I'd spend more time laughing and having fun.  I'd be more polite, I'd visit museums more often, I wouldn't be scared to drive."

Basically, she says that she woke up one morning and realized that she was in danger of wasting her life.  For years, she thought that all those things above would come someday.  But, those things don't come naturally just because time has passed by and because we want them to happen.  We actually need to put the effort in and change ourselves and our habits and do them.  This whole concept is the very reason I did my "101 things in 1001 days".... she just put it all into words much more eloquently than I did!  But I have also been thinking about this concept in another way lately, in a totally different context.  I've been thinking about it in the context of parenting.

Up through now, I feel like I've done a pretty good job being a mom.  It has thankfully come pretty naturally to me so far and I haven't encountered any major problems from any of my kids.  I certainly can't take all the credit; for one, my kids are relatively easy I think.  I also consider myself to have a pretty level head and I keep my cool most of the time.  I don't get worked up easily.

However, I have noticed lately that as my kids are getting older, my parenting style needs to grow with them.  Up until now, the focus has been to keep the kids alive, teach them basic Gospel principles, teach them manners, shower them with love, and keep them happy.  But parenting is starting to get a little more complicated now that Abby is in school.  She's learning and growing a lot, and for the first time is encountering a lot of influences outside of our home and away from me!

As crazy as it seems, I'm no longer a mom of just toddlers. Now I need to think about teaching Abby greater responsibility, more Gospel concepts, good habits, setting goals, and maybe introduce some "beginner" money management and assign harder chores. I need to let her make mistakes, experience consequences, and learn from those experiences.  I don't feel like I can "wing it" like I have been with babies and toddlers.  There comes a time when my kids will be too old to snuggle on my lap. I won't always be able to sing away their problems and hurts like I can now, and I feel like the time is coming really fast.  The issues we face are going to be more serious than "how can I get Ellie to change out of that tutu she's been wearing for three days?" and "what's for dinner?"

Basically, I need to be more deliberate in my parenting.  Being a mother is serious business.  I've been entrusted to do a really hard and important job and I cannot afford to take it lightly or just "wing it" anymore.  I can't just leave it up to chance that I will do a good enough job and they will turn out to be successful in life.    And as it stands now, I'm not equipped to do all that!  Obviously, I've never done this before so I don't really know what I'm doing, and I can't really trust that my "instincts" will get me through like they have up until now.  So, I've started to do what any other "professionals" would do when they need to learn how to improve themselves or their careers: I've started to study.  A lot.

Some of the books I have read so far, and highly recommend:

"5 Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Parenting Challenges" by Richard & Linda Eyre
Fantastic book.  If I had tons of money I would buy a copy for every parent I know.  I'll admit, at first I thought the title sounded a little ho-hum but I can't recommend this book highly enough.  Read this!!

"The Entitlement Trap" by Richard & Linda Eyre
Great book about teaching kids responsibility (financial and otherwise).

"Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline & Jim Fay
Great read.  I loved that the first half of the book is about all the concepts and ideas of love & logic parenting, and the second half of the book breaks down exactly what you should do in specific situations (bedtime issues, fighting, rudeness, money, mealtimes, etc.).  There were a couple things here and there that I didn't agree with 100%, but it was still a great book.  In fact, I plan on buying this and re-reading it soon because I'd like to read this "updated and expanded" version that is the latest edition.  (I read the first edition from 1990 since that's all my library offers)

On my "to read" list:

"I Didn't Plan to be a Witch" by Linda Eyre.  As you can see, I really like reading books by the Eyres.  In fact, they are currently in the process of making all their books free to read online, or on paperback for $5.  Not many of their books are available yet, but this book is one of the few that are available right now as a free download.  I downloaded it onto my iPad so I can read it anytime.  (Go here to see all the free Eyre books!) (For my tech-challenged friends who want to put it on their iPad from your computer... open the link you want to read, then save the PDF to your computer.  Then, email the PDF to yourself as an attachment.  Open the email in your iPad and click on the attachment, and open it in "iBooks" or whatever reading app you have.  That will save it to your "bookshelf" on your iPad and you can read it anytime.

(Other books that I recommend and that are currently available for free download: Teaching Children Joy, Teaching children responsibility, and A Joyful Mother of Children.  All good!)

"Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood" by Foster Cline & Jim Fay.
A Love & Logic book specifically geared towards parents of children birth-six years old.

"How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk" by Faber & Mazlish
Just got this one from the library - looks good!

"1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12" by Thomas Phelan
Also looks promising.  I have this one on hold at the library.

I don't want to be a good mom, I want to be an excellent one!  I want to be successful.  It's one thing to pin (and do) cutesy and fun ideas from Pinterest.  There's definitely a time for that. But it's a lot more important for me to teach my kids how to be responsible citizens and help them develop testimonies of the Gospel.  I don't want to look back someday and be dissatisfied with my job performance, wondering if I could have done more or learned more. I'm looking forward to the challenge!

S.O.S.!!

She really can be a sweetheart.... when it's not time to clean up.

I need advice.

It has to do with parenting and discipline and all that fun stuff.  We are having SUCH a hard time getting Abby to clean up her toys.  Of course, this is a constant battle that starts as soon as kids begin playing with toys, but lately Abby has been especially resistant when we ask her to clean up.  She'll ignore us, or she'll maybe clean up one thing and then get back to playing.  I beg her, I threaten to take toys away (and I do), I yell, and I even threaten to throw toys away (which, I did do once, and that seemed to work but I think that that was a little too harsh.  And don't worry, it was a lame McDonald's toy, not something nice or a gift).  Most of the time she just ignores my requests, or just flat out says, "No."

The reality is, if I continually threaten to take away the toys on the floor for a few days, and if I do take them, eventually (soon) all her toys will be taken away and she will have nothing to play with for a few days.  And then what will she do all day? She has arts/crafts, but she is very bad about cleaning those up too so I'm sure eventually those would be confiscated.  And then what is she supposed to do all day?  I can't just let Ellie play with toys and make Abby sit on the couch all day and watch her.

I am at a loss. Sometimes it works if I threaten to take away watching her favorite show that day, or if I take away snack time, but other times, once I have actually said, "Okay, no Kipper", she STILL won't clean up.  And then what?  Keep taking away privileges one by one?

Sometimes she screams and cries that she wants me to help her clean up.  So, I will get the little toy box and put it in the middle of the room, and I will start helping her, but she'll just watch me.  So I'll stop, then she'll cry that I'm not helping, and it's just a bad cycle.  And in the end, I usually just end up cleaning them all up because I'm tired of having a messy house and a whining child. (And, yes I realize that when I do that, I am only perpetuating the bad habits we have formed here.  That's why I need help!).

So.... all you moms out there who've had three-year-olds, please chime in.... this means you, Emma/Abbie/Brittany/Lauren/Rachelle/Mary/Michelle/Aleasha/mom/grandma... and anyone else who I've forgotten to name, or who secretly reads my blog (you can be anonymous if you want).  And no pressure, of course.  You certainly don't need to comment unless you want to.

Thanks everyone!

All About Abby - April

April was a busy month for Abby! She and I took a trip out to Utah, and it was probably her roughest trip so far. In the past she has been a wonderful little traveler, but now that she's older, she has probably come to be pretty reliant on her schedule, and on being familiar with her surroundings. This was probably her first trip where she really felt out of place and noticed all the strangers around her. Hopefully we'll be able to do enough traveling with her that it won't be a factor for too much longer. Time will tell... and very soon. In fact, when this posts, we'll be in Virginia for the weekend at a graduation. She hasn't had much time to recoup from the last trip, but I'm kind of glad. I want her to be a pretty resilient kid and be able to just go with the flow of what's going on in the family. I want her to be flexible in her schedule, and a little more flexible about her comfort zone (but not too flexible, obviously).

I can only think of one new "word" that Abby has learned this month: "Uh-oh". She says it when she falls, drops something, etc. I'm sure she learned it from Chris while we were in Utah.

Abby also RUNS now! She loves having Garrett or me chase her around the house. On Thursday we brought some cookies to Garrett, who was on campus studying, and when we got into the library and she caught sight of him, she immediately began to run towards him, screaming and laughing. It was so cute.

Every time I turn on an exercise video (which isn't as often as it used to be...), Abby comes and stands next to me and does a few little squats up and down. She also climbs all over me when I'm doing floor exercises as well, which makes it nearly impossible to do anything productive! Sometimes I can get her to sit on my hips or chest to act as a weight, but she's usually too wiggly for that.

Well, that was April. Abby is just over 15 months old, we are just loving this age. I am still waiting patiently for the day we can put her in a forward-facing car seat, though... she is still under 20 lbs so she technically isn't allowed to be in one yet. I am so tempted to get one for our drive to Virginia, because I think she'd enjoy the drive much more if she was able to see ahead, but that's ok. She'll be sitting next to Rylan (Garrett' little bro) in the car, and since he's in his booster seat they can face each other and play...(crossing my fingers).

All About Abby

At just over 14 months old, Abby babbles all the time, but only recently has she begun to say words we can actually understand. She doesn't say nearly as many words as Chris, but here's what she does say:

baby
banana
Dada
dog
Mama
up
who's that? (she says this whenever she sees a picture of anyone, especially herself or other kids)
yes (she doesn't really say this in the right context... I think she just likes saying it)

She also does sign language for "more", "milk", "eat", and "please". I have loved having her learn signs because she can tell us what she wants even though she can't say the words yet. When she was eating she used to whine and cry out whenever she was ready for another bite, and it was getting on our nerves! So we taught her to sign "more" when she was ready for a new bite, and that has made eating so much more pleasant. It took her longer to learn the signs than we thought it would, and we gave up trying to teach her around 9 or 10 months, but then around her birthday we started it up again and she has done so well.

She is also walking a lot more now. She loves to climb onto her rocking chair and sit in it for a minute, and then she shimmies off it and walks around the living room or into the kitchen. She can even stand up on her own in the middle of a room, without the help of furniture. In a few weeks she'll probably be walking like a pro!

Abby loves being outside. Sometimes we meet up with my friend and her kids at the park up the road, which is fun. We also have picnics in the backyard whenever it's nice outside. She also loves her teddy bear. She has a small 6-in Classic Winnie-the-Pooh stuffed animal, and she loves to give him hugs. It's so cute because when she hugs him, she puts him up on her shoulder and sways back and forth, and pats and rubs his back. Sometimes she'll even give him a kiss.

And last but not least, Abby has 8 (that's right, EIGHT) teeth! They're not all completely grown in yet, but they will be soon. She has three on top, four on the bottom and a molar coming in on the top, on the right side. I can't believe she's getting a molar!

So, that's Abby right now! I'm going to try to post something at the beginning of each month with her progression, mostly so that it can be recorded somewhere! It's so fun to see my baby growing up! (but it's also really sad!)

Mixed Emotions

Sometimes she's happy...

And sometimes she's not!

But she's always cute! (that's our unbiased opinion, anyway)

And isn't that the cutest rocking chair? My Grandpa O. was a carpenter and he made it for me when I was little. Isn't it just perfect for Abby? I just need to stain that replacement piece on the seat. I'm not sure what happened there.

P.S. That picture of her crying was her reaction when she saw me cutting Garrett's hair last night. I don't know if it was the hum of the clippers or the sight of hair falling from his head, but she was very unhappy about it.

Happy 26th Anniversary!

Congratulations Mom and Dad for 26 years! There are many things I love specifically about each of my parents, but here's a little list of reasons why I love both of them (some of these things I really didn't appeciate when I was younger, but looking back I appreciate them):

1. When we were in high school and had that huge lawn to mow, we thankfully had 2 riding lawnmowers and we would sometimes race each other while mowing, which made it fun (as fun as mowing can be, really). Then my parents decided that, as a family, we weren't getting enough exercise, so we sold the riding mowers and bought 3 push mowers. We HATED it! Looking back, I only appreciate it because I think it's funny.

2. On Valentine's Day, at TCCA, there was a program where kids could buy carnations for $1 to give to their friends. If we wanted to give them to our friends we had to use our own money, but Mom and Dad always gave us a dollar or two to give a flower anonymously to someone that we knew would probably not get a flower from anyone. I think that was a great lesson for us.

3. At the Church worldwide leadership meeting last month, Elder Oaks said that he doesn't remember ever learning anything at Church that he hadn't already learned at home. That's definitely true for me, too. Mom and Dad frequently had gospel discussions with us, whether it be at the dinner table or in FHE, or just driving in the car.

4. They let us have friends over and parties pretty much whenever we wanted. Mom would buy snacks for us, and Dad would clear out some space in the barn for our parties or concerts, and would even get lots of seating out so that everyone would be comfortable. Dad would also spend hours getting a big bonfire ready for us, if that's what we wanted.

5. I remember one time my dad drove me to someone's house to babysit (a young couple in the ward). He walked into the small apartment with me, and as they were getting ready to leave, he took me aside and told me to do their dishes for them, and to not let them pay me for babysitting. Similarly, Mom was always helping people in the ward, whether it giving people rides, making meals for them, or helping them clean their home.

6. Whenever we had friends spend the night, it could be expected that they would be included in the Saturday morning chores. That was embarrassing.

7. Dad was always willing to play the piano for us girls to sing in Church, and mom was always finding really nice songs for us to sing together.

8. On Saturdays Mom and Dad would take us to walk along our mile-long road and we'd pick up trash. That taught us a good lesson about taking care of the environment.

9. Mom and Dad supported each other. Dad used to play the piano for Mom's school concerts, and sometimes Mom would bring Dad lunches at work, or they'd meet and go out for lunch together.

10. We cleaned the Church building... a LOT. And when it snowed, Dad was always one of the first people to check on the Church building, making sure the sidewalks were shovelled and salted.

11. Even on long car rides, we weren't allowed to have anything with headphones (discmans, walkmans, etc) because Mom and Dad said it "shut us out" from the rest of the family. We didn't really like that rule at the time, but looking back I'm grateful. I hate when all some kids do now is listen to their iPods and don't really know how to have a conversation.

12. Dad drove us to seminary every single day, and then when we got home, Mom always had a nice hot breakfast ready for us.

13. In a nutshell, Mom and Dad taught us the importance of hard work and service. They taught by example, and also by just making us do it.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for everything you have done for us and taught us. We love you!

See Bach

I have been trying to practice the piano more often, but it's nearly impossible to do it while Abby is awake. Every time I start to play, she comes up next to me and fusses until I pick her up so she can sit on my lap and play, too. She'll be giving her own concerts in no time!

Little Reader

Abby loves to look at books. She loves sitting down with me and reading, and she also looks at books on her own. It's hard to get a whole story in, though - she mostly likes to turn the pages, barely glancing at the pictures. But sometimes, when she's looking at a book on her own, she'll take some time to look at the pictures carefully, sometimes pointing to different characters or objects on the page, like I do when we read. When she points she also makes a little noise like she's trying to say what she's pointing to. It's so cute! These books in the pictures aren't hers, but she sure loves pulling them off the shelves!

Good Eater

I am so lucky to have a baby who is not picky when it comes to eating. She loves everything from tuna fish, peas, beans, cheese, milk, apples, granola bars, lunch meat, and breads. In fact, I can't think of any one food that she has consistently refused to eat! Here she is snacking on an avacado.

First Steps!

Big Girl

We finally got a "high chair" for Abby so she can sit and eat on her own. I don't really like classic high chairs - they're big, take up lots of space, and are expensive! So I found this seat on Amazon and it's exactly what I wanted - she can sit at the table with us, it's very portable, it doesn't take up floor space, and it doesn't take up a chair like booster seats do. And, it was the fraction of the cost of a high chair! I love it and I think she does, too!

Temper

I can't believe how fast Abby is growing up - it makes me sad! She's not a little baby anymore. Last night one of our friends commented that she is starting to look like a little girl instead of a baby. I am sad that she is growing up so fast, but I also feel blessed that I have been able to really enjoy every stage so far. So many times I hear people say that they "can't wait until the kids are crawling", then "can't wait until they are walking", then "talking", then "eating real food", and "in school". I am enjoying every stage of Abby, and I'm even a little sad when she graduates from her previous stage into a new accomplishment. Kinda makes me want another baby...

Anyway, Abby is also picking up on lots of things. The other day she crawled up to me in the kitchen and started to reach for the stove door, which was warm because I was baking something. I said "no" and gave the top of her hand a little slap. She looked at me, furrowed her brows, and slapped my hand right back. Quite the temper, it seems.