Motherhood

Yesterday, I started reading "The Happiness Project" for the book club I am in.  It seems like it's going to be a decent read and I'm looking forward to seeing what I can learn from it.  I've only gotten through the first chapter so far but a few things have really jumped out at me. She starts out:

 "I'd always vaguely expected to outgrow my limitations.  One day, I'd stop twisting my hair, and wearing running shoes all the time, and eating exactly the same food every day.  I'd remember my friends' birthdays, I'd learn Photoshop, I wouldn't let my daughter watch TV during breakfast, I'd read Shakespeare.  I'd spend more time laughing and having fun.  I'd be more polite, I'd visit museums more often, I wouldn't be scared to drive."

Basically, she says that she woke up one morning and realized that she was in danger of wasting her life.  For years, she thought that all those things above would come someday.  But, those things don't come naturally just because time has passed by and because we want them to happen.  We actually need to put the effort in and change ourselves and our habits and do them.  This whole concept is the very reason I did my "101 things in 1001 days".... she just put it all into words much more eloquently than I did!  But I have also been thinking about this concept in another way lately, in a totally different context.  I've been thinking about it in the context of parenting.

Up through now, I feel like I've done a pretty good job being a mom.  It has thankfully come pretty naturally to me so far and I haven't encountered any major problems from any of my kids.  I certainly can't take all the credit; for one, my kids are relatively easy I think.  I also consider myself to have a pretty level head and I keep my cool most of the time.  I don't get worked up easily.

However, I have noticed lately that as my kids are getting older, my parenting style needs to grow with them.  Up until now, the focus has been to keep the kids alive, teach them basic Gospel principles, teach them manners, shower them with love, and keep them happy.  But parenting is starting to get a little more complicated now that Abby is in school.  She's learning and growing a lot, and for the first time is encountering a lot of influences outside of our home and away from me!

As crazy as it seems, I'm no longer a mom of just toddlers. Now I need to think about teaching Abby greater responsibility, more Gospel concepts, good habits, setting goals, and maybe introduce some "beginner" money management and assign harder chores. I need to let her make mistakes, experience consequences, and learn from those experiences.  I don't feel like I can "wing it" like I have been with babies and toddlers.  There comes a time when my kids will be too old to snuggle on my lap. I won't always be able to sing away their problems and hurts like I can now, and I feel like the time is coming really fast.  The issues we face are going to be more serious than "how can I get Ellie to change out of that tutu she's been wearing for three days?" and "what's for dinner?"

Basically, I need to be more deliberate in my parenting.  Being a mother is serious business.  I've been entrusted to do a really hard and important job and I cannot afford to take it lightly or just "wing it" anymore.  I can't just leave it up to chance that I will do a good enough job and they will turn out to be successful in life.    And as it stands now, I'm not equipped to do all that!  Obviously, I've never done this before so I don't really know what I'm doing, and I can't really trust that my "instincts" will get me through like they have up until now.  So, I've started to do what any other "professionals" would do when they need to learn how to improve themselves or their careers: I've started to study.  A lot.

Some of the books I have read so far, and highly recommend:

"5 Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Parenting Challenges" by Richard & Linda Eyre
Fantastic book.  If I had tons of money I would buy a copy for every parent I know.  I'll admit, at first I thought the title sounded a little ho-hum but I can't recommend this book highly enough.  Read this!!

"The Entitlement Trap" by Richard & Linda Eyre
Great book about teaching kids responsibility (financial and otherwise).

"Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline & Jim Fay
Great read.  I loved that the first half of the book is about all the concepts and ideas of love & logic parenting, and the second half of the book breaks down exactly what you should do in specific situations (bedtime issues, fighting, rudeness, money, mealtimes, etc.).  There were a couple things here and there that I didn't agree with 100%, but it was still a great book.  In fact, I plan on buying this and re-reading it soon because I'd like to read this "updated and expanded" version that is the latest edition.  (I read the first edition from 1990 since that's all my library offers)

On my "to read" list:

"I Didn't Plan to be a Witch" by Linda Eyre.  As you can see, I really like reading books by the Eyres.  In fact, they are currently in the process of making all their books free to read online, or on paperback for $5.  Not many of their books are available yet, but this book is one of the few that are available right now as a free download.  I downloaded it onto my iPad so I can read it anytime.  (Go here to see all the free Eyre books!) (For my tech-challenged friends who want to put it on their iPad from your computer... open the link you want to read, then save the PDF to your computer.  Then, email the PDF to yourself as an attachment.  Open the email in your iPad and click on the attachment, and open it in "iBooks" or whatever reading app you have.  That will save it to your "bookshelf" on your iPad and you can read it anytime.

(Other books that I recommend and that are currently available for free download: Teaching Children Joy, Teaching children responsibility, and A Joyful Mother of Children.  All good!)

"Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood" by Foster Cline & Jim Fay.
A Love & Logic book specifically geared towards parents of children birth-six years old.

"How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk" by Faber & Mazlish
Just got this one from the library - looks good!

"1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12" by Thomas Phelan
Also looks promising.  I have this one on hold at the library.

I don't want to be a good mom, I want to be an excellent one!  I want to be successful.  It's one thing to pin (and do) cutesy and fun ideas from Pinterest.  There's definitely a time for that. But it's a lot more important for me to teach my kids how to be responsible citizens and help them develop testimonies of the Gospel.  I don't want to look back someday and be dissatisfied with my job performance, wondering if I could have done more or learned more. I'm looking forward to the challenge!